If you’re an adult with ADHD, you’ve lived through many negative situations, probably more than your fair share. A lifetime of failures, shame and struggles leaves scars in the form of low self-esteem and a tendency not to trust others or yourself. As a way to protect yourself, you may begin to play the ADHD Blame Game.
When disaster strikes at work, you blame your boss, the situation, the resources that weren’t quite good enough or when there’s no one or nothing else to blame, you play blame solitaire and blame yourself. You’re not alone, everyone does it… in the “big leagues” they sue each other, always looking for someone to point the finger at.
The problem with the blame game is that it focuses on judgment, instead of learning. Mistakes are an essential part of learning and when you play the blame game, you deprive yourself of important learning experiences. You can`t learn because you`re busy looking for a scapegoat.
If instead you shifted your thinking away from blame, you’d find that maybe you’ve identified a need to acquire or improve current skills, or that maybe you should avoid certain situations in the future or at least ask for help from someone more skilled or experienced. Maybe you need a whole new approach! Heck! If nothing else, you now know what doesn’t work. Remember that and you won’t be doomed to repeat it.
Even if you were wronged, avoid playing the blame game just because it’s not productive. It keeps you thinking like a victim and only prevents you from moving forward.
So if you find yourself looking for someone to blame, stop! Now, ask yourself:
- What can I learn from this situation that I can use in the future?
- What have I learned about myself because of what happened?
- What do I need to do to move forward from here?
And then just do it!
I totally agree however what isn’t mentioned is some people’s tendency to blame the ADD for every negative thing. I find these people really difficult to interact with in a supportive manner.