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What Does It Take to Break a Habit?

On November 10, 2010 / ADHD Adult, Being a Creative Genius, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD, Success with ADHD / 1 Comment

Successful people tend to do the same things repeatedly (AKA habits and routines). As I gear up for year-end and New Year planning, I’ve been researching how we form habits for an update to tools in Succeed in a FLASH, a module of The Maximum Productivity Makeover. One thing is clear to me:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle.

To change your life, you must transform yourself and to do that, you must change your habits. If you have a habit of watching TV from the time you get home from work until you go to sleep, you’ve become a couch potato. If you want to run a marathon, you’re going to have to change that habit. You’ll need to choose a habit that allows you to progress toward this new objective… perhaps running!

Unfortunately, new habits can be difficult to form. Self-help gurus have been saying it only takes 21 days to form a new habit. Of course, you believe there is something wrong with you if you aren’t able to meet the 21-day deadline, but there is no evidence to support the 21-day rule.

The Real Deal About Habits

In fact, an article published in the European Journal of Social Psychology in October 2010 by Philippa Lally & al. who conducted research on how we form habits, states that is takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit, depending on the habit. Other studies show it takes an average of 66 days to form small habits. Though you have your work cut out with you, at least now you know there’s nothing wrong with you!

Our brains are wired with pathways of varying strengths. The strongest pathways are habits you currently hold and they are very difficult to break. Even that is good news, because once you form a new, more progress-oriented habit, you’ll be more likely to keep it.

However, you might feel discouraged at having to work this hard to break or form a habit. Take comfort in knowing that it won’t take that long to gain the benefits of making these changes. And if you focus on the benefits, you’ll find it motivating to continue.

So, let’s say you’ve decided to adopt a new habit because you’d like to run the marathon. You’ll need to break your bad habit of watching TV and start a new habit of training for the marathon. What’s next?

Breaking a Habit

You’re more likely to break a habit if you replace it by another one. However, it’s important when trying to break a bad habit to consider the need this habit was filling, and to address this need by finding another more positive way to fill it. If your TV watching fills your need to unwind after a long day’s work, you’ll need to find a different way to unwind or your efforts to change that habit are wasted. Read, play music, dance, or chat with a loved one; whatever re-energizes you. If you ignore this need, you’ll soon be mindlessly watching TV again in no time.

Make Sure It’s Important to YOU

It will take a lot of work to adopt a new habit. It might even be painful at times. You’ll often be tempted to slip back. So if you expect to stick with it, you really, really, really need to want it badly, very badly (is that enough emphasis!?) Your new goal and the habits required to achieve it must be for your benefit and not for someone else’s. If someone else is dictating that you create a new habit and the objective is not important to you, you will not likely make the change or, if you do, you won’t sustain the change. You must create a goal that is compelling, emotional or fun. Ask yourself why it’s important to you to run the marathon. Ask that question until you find an answer that moves you (in this case, literally!)

Journal about it, visualize it, act as if you had already achieved it. These activities engage your emotions and help you stay the course.

Make new habits easy to adopt

To adopt a new habit, you’ll need a reminder or trigger. You can use a reminder on your smart phone or better still, use a trigger. A trigger is an event that already happens consistently in your life. For example, every day you get home from work at 5:30 pm. Arriving home from work can be the trigger that reminds you it’s time to don your running clothes.

Other triggers can be other habits you already have, such as having breakfast, brushing your teeth or having lunch. Anchoring a new habit to one you already have is a powerful way to improve your chances that your new habit will stick.

How can I use this now?

Set a goal and identify the habits that will help you achieve that goal;
Identify the habits you currently have that don’t support this goal. Determine what need they fill and find different ways to fill that need that will allow you to change your habits to those that will help you progress to whom you want to become;
Make sure your goal is something you want and is emotionally compelling to you;
Change your habits one at a time. Start with one habit, and anchor it to a habit you already have or an event you live every day.

ADHD and Gender Roles

On October 29, 2010 / ADHD Adult, ADHD Information, Productivity with ADHD, Relationships and ADHD, Success with ADHD / 4 Comments

In this my first English vlog, I discuss how division of family and household chores between spouses work best.

I hope you can pardon my attire, I look like Farmer Linda, as Duane calls me when I spend time doing yardwork.

Unfortunately my yard is totally covered with leaves again. Ah! Don’t you like fall! (see photo below).

So Good It Hurts?!

On October 26, 2010 / ADHD Adult, Being a Creative Genius, Entrepreneurial ADD, Success with ADHD / 1 Comment

Two Ways Your Creativity Can Hurt You

As an entrepreneur, adult with ADHD or other creative genius, your creativity is one of your most important assets. Your imagination knows no bounds and it’s a great strength. However, if you’re not careful, your best friend, your very own creativity, can actually hold you back.

Your Creativity Hurts You When You Use It to Explain What Happened

Things happen… constantly. Most events are completely meaningless in your life… in fact, you aren’t even aware of most of them. However, if you’re aware of something happening, you automatically try to assign it meaning. You have a voice in your head constantly evaluating every event and categorizing it according to its impact on you, and to determine its impact, you make up a story about it. Usually, making up stories is a good thing, but if your imagination invents a story that generates pain or self-doubt and paralyzes you, then you’ve just imagined shooting yourself in the foot!

Of course, most events have no effect on your life, are completely innocuous and/or have nothing to do with you. But you explain every one of them using scenarios you invent with that wonderful imagination of yours. Even events that affect you may not have anything to do with you; certainly, they’re not your fault. For example, if your parents divorced when you were young, you may have invented a story that “if I didn’t ADHD, my parents would have stayed together.” If you wave to someone across the street and she doesn’t wave back, you might interpret it as meaning “she hates me.” If you notice people laughing as you enter a room, you could decide, “They’re laughing at me.”

Your Creativity Hurts You When It Stops You Trying

You can even make up stories about things that haven’t happened yet. This is when your imagination really kicks into high gear. Your creativity makes you a fortuneteller! For example, faced with a new project, you might tell yourself, “I can’t do that! After all, I’ve never done it before.” Or you’re using the past to predict the future (it doesn’t work that well for the weather so why would you think it would work for your life); “I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. These things never work for me!” You’re defeated before you try.

This, of course, is deadly for a Creative Genius. After all, as you unleash your creative genius and follow your passion, you’re going to be doing many things you’ve never done before. You should be stretching so far out of your comfort zone you won’t even remember what it looks like. You don’t need your imagination predicting failure before you get started.

Just the Facts, Ma’am

Detach fact from fiction and you’ll soon realize that while your parents did get a divorce, it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Yes, it affected your life, but you were not the cause and nothing you could have done would have prevented it. You invented that meaning using your wonderful (but sneaky) imagination! The girl who didn’t wave back just didn’t wave back. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you; it doesn’t mean anything. Your imagination decided she didn’t like you. Your imagination could have also decided she didn’t see you or that it wasn’t even who you thought it was, but even that is an invention! Yes, they were talking when you came into the room, but that’s all. Your imagination is hijacking your emotions by creating a story about how they were talking about you.

If you do things you’ve never done before, how can you predict what the outcome will be? (Actually, by imagining you will fail, you increase your chances of failing, but let’s not get into a philosophical discussion!) And if you try something new and it doesn’t work out the first time, is it possible that it might go wrong without meaning that “I’ll NEVER be able to do this!”? Hey, I’ll be that if you used your creative genius, I bet you could even come up with another explanation!

Things happen. They’re going to keep right on happening. You can continue to let your imagination hold you captive by inventing stories that make you feel bad or helpless. Or you can decide to examine the facts objectively without attaching a made-up meaning to it (and they’re all made-up!), a story that implies everything bad that happens is your fault, everyone is your enemy and you’ll never be able to do that! You can choose to see things objectively and save your imagination for creating new and exciting projects and ideas and free yourself from the pain your distorted or limiting beliefs are creating for you.

How Can I Use This?

When faced with a recurring painful situation, ask yourself:
1. What am I thinking about that situation? What do I think happened?
2. What really happened? What are the facts, just the facts?
When you hear yourself say, “I can’t”, ask yourself:
1. Is that true?
2. How do I know it’s true? And is it really, really true? Is there another explanation?
Separate your distorted or limiting belief from the facts, and choose to only look at the facts. This will open up a completely new world for you.

Attitude Is Everything!

On October 15, 2010 / ADHD Coach, Being a Creative Genius, Managing ADHD, Money and ADHD, Success with ADHD / 1 Comment

Remember the experiment I invited you to do in the last article ( ADHD Brainwashing First, Transformation Follows ) about changing your point of view before you get the results you’d like to see. If you recall, the lesson is that belief in the possibility always comes before the results you are seeking. If you don’t believe something is possible, you won’t make it happen. Instead, as soon as things start looking as though they aren’t going your way, you give up, usually accompanied by an, “Ahah! I knew it wouldn’t work!”

If you’re looking for proof, waiting to see the results before you believe they are possible, you already have your belief… you believe it’s not possible.

Often times, you consider doing something to improve your life, saying:

“I’d like to buy that book….”

“I’d like to take that course…”

“I’d like to hire that person…”

The sentence continues: “…but… “followed by “…I can’t afford it” or “…I don’t have time”.

Actually, in your head (or hidden in your heart of hearts) is the real rest of the sentence… It is, “…because it won’t work for me anyway.”

If there was no question that the:

Book would reveal the secret to achieve your dreams…

Course would teach you exactly what you need to know to win your dream job…

Interviewee sitting across from you was exactly the right person to help take your company to the next level…

You’d do it in a heartbeat, budget and agenda be damned!

But you have proof that it won’t work, because nothing else you’ve started (with that same attitude) has worked. But imagine if the results depend on the attitude and not the other way around! What becomes possible? If instead, you believed it would work, you’d find the time, the money or whatever resource you need. You’d make it happen.

How You Can Use This?`

Write a statement describing what you’d like to do, followed by “but,” and then followed by the obstacle you perceive.
Consider what your real belief is about yourself. Is there any other underlying belief that could be stopping you? .
Now consider, if you didn’t believe this, what could you make happen? .
If you like what you imagine, change your belief. (Yes, it’s that easy.) .

ADHD Brainwashing First, Transformation Follows

On October 12, 2010 / ADHD Adult, ADHD Coach, Managing ADHD, Money and ADHD, Success with ADHD / 5 Comments

I’m sure you’re familiar with this quote:

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” – John Richardson Jr.

I’ve always thought there are really only two kinds of people: victims and victors. Either you’re creating a life you’re excited about (the victor), or you’re complacent, letting things happen and just hoping to survive (the victim). As a victor, you’re moving forward, ignoring or beating every obstacle, paddling upstream… or you’re the victim, caught up in the challenges of a difficult life you didn’t ask for, swept along by the current.

You can choose to be the victor, or you can choose to be the victim. I’m not judging… We’ve all played both roles. If you’re a Creative Genius “in the rough,” a struggling ADHD adult, artist, author or entrepreneur, my husband and I relate to what you’re going through. We have both felt like victims of his adult ADHD.

We’ve struggled as a couple with almost every aspect of our relationship. We fought about the distribution of household chores, his driving, his impulsivity and as a result, my nagging, to name just a few. I felt very insecure and our entire family was often destabilized as Duane quit job after job because he knew he was about to be fired and moved us across the country (and back) in search of the “perfect” career.

Financial problems created by impulsive purchases and forgetting to pay the bills on time added to this feeling of insecurity. The car broke down because he’d forget to get it fixed and I didn’t have the energy to take on one more task. Every day was a disaster waiting to happen.

Fourteen years ago I was seriously contemplating divorcing my ADHD hubby. The only reason I stayed with him was his quirky sense of humor and my belief that he was a diamond in the (very, VERY) rough! Today, we are more in love and more passionate than ever about each other. We overcame our financial problems, we learned how to work as a couple, and Duane realized that it’s easier to turn the career you choose into the perfect career (in fact, it might be the only way to have that perfect career.)

What changed for us?

The other evening, Duane and I were discussing what came first, the change in attitude (for lack of a better word) or a better life (a better relationship along with financial and job security?) Did we enjoy a better attitude because things were going better, or did things go better because we adopted a better attitude? We arrived at the same conclusion: a better attitude comes first. It was only when we decided we were meant to be greater than what we had been so far that we empowered ourselves to take control of our lives. It was this belief that led us to make the choices and take the actions that lead to success, and without believing it first, we never would have had the courage to act.

We created and are still progressing toward a life we love by investing in ourselves, even when we didn’t have the financial means to do it.

Was it easy? No… and yes. (I know, I’m supposed to say Yes and No but I’m a bit of a non-conformist.)

It was hard.

It was hard having creditors calling us, and it was no fun not having money to have fun! But we realized that if we were unwilling to sacrifice some short-term pleasure, we were sacrificing something much larger… the future we could have had. So we created a system to manage and eventually eliminate our debts (no we didn’t go bankrupt), we cut expenses – restaurants, concerts, etc. – and found creative ways to have fun inexpensively.

Our youngest daughter needed us to advocate for her in school – she has ADHD and learning disabilities – and our oldest daughter needed our attention. While we both worked outside the home, we soon found that by committing to our future, we were motivated to learn to communicate better and learn to manage the household as a team and create a better life for our daughters and us.

There’s more (a lot more!) but I’d have to write a book or a soap opera script … maybe I will one day. :

It was easy too.

Our newfound belief in ourselves, the new vision of ourselves we created, and our improved attitude, which was the result of our self-imposed and self-inflicted “brainwashing,” made it so much easier because we knew our struggles were only temporary… we were taking action to move out of that crappy life.

Hope backed by action was and is still an amazing aphrodisiac for life. I invite you to choose to see the diamond in the rough, the Creative Genius that lies in wait within you, take control and create a life you love, one that allows you to act powerfully in your areas of strengths and passion.

How Can I Use This Today?

Pick one thing you wish was different. To use a very simple example, let’s say you want the clerk at the store to be nice to you, instead of being rude as usual. Instead of being the victim of his rudeness, take a leap of faith and believe the clerk isn’t being rude. Provide yourself with a different point of view. He’s not rude; he’s just trying to serve you as quickly as possible. He isn’t purposely cold and unwelcoming. Now, believe this new point of view and act accordingly. Instead of glaring at the clerk because he’s so rude, smile and thank him for serving you so quickly. To push this experiment as far as you can, tell him you love coming to his store because you always get such efficient service (and that is true… you just wish he smiled while he was being so efficient!)

What’s your investment? You might have to admit you’re wrong and that the clerk is not actually rude. And what’s the potential payoff? You stop being the victim and become the victor. And there’s an excellent chance you’ll get amazing service accompanied by a friendly greeting (this visit and every time you return to this store!)

Can Adults With ADHD Really Become Creative Geniuses?

On September 28, 2010 / ADHD Adult, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD / Leave a comment

Many ADHD adults have tried different approaches to fit in. You’ve tried to be more “linear,” more “logical.” You’ve enrolled in Franklyn-Covey or Day Timer time management programs. They didn’t work. You’ve tried to emulate family members and friends, hoping, at least, to “look normal.” You’ve spent great amounts of time cleaning your office / desk / home, trying to achieve perfection.

“Help, I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Be Normal!”

But nothing was ever good enough. The saddest part is that many of ADHD adults eventually give up on themselves, thinking “I’m ADHD, I can’t get my s&#!t together, so how can I ever succeed?”
Of course, if you think you’re beaten, you are! If you think of yourself as defective, incapable, a victim of your ADHD, you can’t reach your full potential.

Become a Creative Genius Instead

I’ll explain. Recently I participated in a program because I wanted to bring my business to “the next level.” My business, like many others, has been affected by the economic crisis.
I couldn’t understand why I still had to struggle to make ends meet. After all, I had been working hard and investing a lot on myself and in my business. Then it dawned on me. The person I was then was not who I needed to be to take my business to the “next level.”

I’ll be honest; I had been working hard behind my computer screen. However, to grow my business I have to talk to people who intimidate me a little… okay, a lot. The current “me,” when faced with contacting these “scary” intimidating people, gave into the fear and cleaned my desk. This fearful desk-cleaning nut was not the person who was going to go far in business.

To become a successful businessperson, I had to reinvent myself as a successful businessperson and do what a successful businessperson would do. I had to be bold, to get out there and talk to people, and not just any people, but the very people who intimidate me. Oddly enough, once I figured this out, my fear was no longer in the way; I no longer let the fear stop me. No, the fear doesn’t go away, but I am not a successful businessperson who is able to feel the fear without letting it stop me from doing the things I need to do. Now I take action, making me the successful businessperson I longed to be.

Reinventing Yourself Can Be as Simple as Changing Your Point of View

When you reinvent yourself, you choose to be the person you need to be to achieve what you want, and then you take the actions that being this person allows you to take. Reinventing yourself as a creative genius allows you redefine yourself, which leads you to think and act with a very different perspective. As a capable creative genius, you no longer live within the limits your ADHD (and you) imposed on yourself.

When my husband tried to lose weight, nothing worked until he decided to reinvent himself. He reinvented himself as a healthy person and began to make the choices a healthy person would make. This allowed him to shed 120 lbs! Einstein chose to master his creative genius, not by trying to be “normal,” but by working on mathematical formulas instead of trying to improve his writing skills (he was dyslexic) or keeping his home spic ‘n span, (he delegated that to his poor wife). Judging from photos, he probably didn’t spend a lot of time on personal grooming either. To us it seems only natural.

If right now you see yourself as an ADHDer, consider perceiving yourself instead as a creative genius, who will have a huge impact on your world. This will help you think as a creative genius and choose activities that allow you to take advantage of your untapped potential instead of watching another TV show (that you really don’t like anyway!)

Seeing yourself as a Creative Genius gives you freedom and reduces the resistance you feel. You allow yourself to be Unstoppable!

How Can You Use This Tip Today?

First, visualize your life as a creative genius. See yourself working with your strengths, imagine feeling competent, and smile to yourself as you visualize enjoying the fruits of your labor. Get out a piece of paper and describe what being a creative genius allows you to do that you can’t do right now.

Now, given the potential reward, don’t you think it’s time to unleash your creative genius? What action would you take if you were a creative genius? Well, you ARE a creative genius if you say so, so take that first step. Be bold and don’t allow your old self to stop you.

The Maximum Productivity Makeover for Inattentive and for Overwhelmed Adults with ADHD

On September 24, 2010 / ADHD Adult, ADHD Coach, Attention Deficit, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD, Success with ADHD, Work and ADHD / 1 Comment

The dates of this program have changed. The start date of the program is Saturday, October 9, 2010 at 11 am ET and sessions take place every 2nd Saturday mornings to accommodate more people. For more information check out The Maximum Productivity Makeover for Adults with ADHD Group Coaching Program Web page.

Obstacles to Unleashing Your Creative Genius

On September 21, 2010 / ADHD Adult, Being a Creative Genius, Entrepreneurial ADD, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD, Success with ADHD / 3 Comments

Unleashing your creative genius takes time and energy. You have amazing ideas. They’re creative, out-of-the-box and so crazy they just might work, if only…

As an entrepreneur, adult with ADHD or other creative genius, you don’t lack imagination. I’m convinced that a creative genius or, even two or three, already have the solutions to many of the world’s problems, but they just can’t seem to bring them to fruition. One of the biggest regrets my clients share with me when we first meet is, “I feel I have so much potential, but I can’t seem to execute any of my brilliant ideas.”

The sad part is that not only are you missing out on a more fulfilling life but the world, your community, your family and your friends are also missing out on everything you have to contribute.
You’re so busy making a living, keeping your job, saving your marriage, staying out of trouble, the list goes on… that you just don’t have the time and energy required to realize your creative projects. Paradoxically, your ADD brain, provides you with the flow of ideas that lead to unconventional creativity, but also creates the obstacles that prevent you from bringing them to fruition.

To accomplish your projects, you need:

To conserve energy so you have some left over at the end of the day to implement your ideas;
To organize your time so you are able to allocate time to work on them;
To create a better environment (physical, financial, social, family, body, etc) to support you;
To recognize and develop your strengths and minimize the impact of your weaknesses;
To manage your projects by creating systems and habits that will allow you to accomplish even the most boring task to make your creative ideas happen; and
To overcome procrastination.

My clients and I work on together these areas. You bring the creative genius, and I offer the focus, action and success. :). Hey, I like that!

In a few days, I’ll provide some ideas on how you can accomplish these things and allow your projects to see the light of day.

Now, how can you use this information today?

First, identify the obstacles that keep you from moving forward with your projects.
Second, consider what first two or three steps you can take to meet one of these needs.

Being ADHD vs. Having ADHD

On September 16, 2010 / ADHD Adult, ADHD Information, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD, Success with ADHD / 3 Comments

Adults with ADHD often refer to themselves as “ADHD Adults,” as if ADHD is something that you are instead of something you have. I’ve never been comfortable with that idea, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the reason until…

Last weekend, I met a woman whose child has a severe handicap. She explained that for years she had felt doomed to caring for a handicapped child for the rest of his life, or at least the rest of her life. She defined him by his disabilities instead of seeing the child behind the label.

However, she had a personal breakthrough when she began to see her son as a child with a handicap rather than as a handicapped child. When she began to notice and concentrate on his strengths, his qualities, his abilities and his persistence, well, so did her son, and before long, miracles began to happen. Her son began to develop physically and intellectually beyond anyone’s expectations.

Though it may sound like trivial wordplay, seeing yourself as an adult with ADHD instead of as an ADHD adult changes your perspective, and it allows you to see the whole person that you are with your talents, dreams, abilities and all your other gifts. Yes, you still recognize that ADHD may make some things more difficult, but it doesn’t make them impossible, and hey, it might even make some things easier. This new point of view lets you see new opportunities, bringing what’s possible into focus instead of holding your attention only on the impossible.

When you see past the “disability” to focus on your gifts, you begin to unleash your creative genius. Yes, you have ADHD, but it doesn’t have you.

How Can You Use This Tip Today?

If you’ve been defining yourself or someone you know as an ADHDer, adult or child, change the language you use. This simple change provides a new perspective and allows you to see the person in a completely new light.

Next, begin to notice your talents, strengths, dreams and hopes and concentrate on those while acknowledging and seeking help to manage any obstacles your ADHD creates. You’ll be amazed at the miracles that become possible.

20 ADHD-Friendly Ways to Re-Energize Your Brain

On September 10, 2010 / ADHD Adult, Being a Creative Genius, Managing ADHD, Productivity with ADHD, Work and ADHD / 4 Comments

In part one of this series, Be Productive: Take a Break you learned how important it is for ADHD adults and other Creative Geniuses to recognize when it’s productive to take a break. Yesterday, I discussed the science behind re-energizing your brain. Today, I have a list of possible break activities you can use to get your second wind. Every one of them is better for you than watching TV or playing a video game. Hopefully, these will inspire you:

Short 20-minute nap
Vigorous exercise, such as a brisk walk around the block
Activities you enjoy such as Sudoku, office-chair chariot races
Laughing – read a joke, watch a very funny short video
Read for enjoyment
Listen to music
Better still, listen to music as you play air guitar or air drums
Dance
Draw or do something creative
If you’re extroverted, chat with a friend (co-ordinate breaks so you’re not disturbing people!)
Meditate (if it energizes you)
Play a musical instrument for one song
Stretch, yoga, Tai Chi
Visualization – imagine yourself on the beach, on a water slide, parachuting…
Deep breathing
Drink water
Journal rant – write what you’re feeling and thinking – get it out of your system
Dreamscape – think of your dream vacation, dream house, your dream date (McDreamy or McSteamy for any of you Grey’s Anatomy fans)…
Walk to other parts of the building where you work and visit

Years ago when I still had a job, for a break a bunch of us decided to see how many people we could fit in our über small coffee closet. Weird, I know, but we had fun and while we were crammed together, we started talking, others began to entertain. By the way, we fit 26 people in a 15 square foot place.

Be creative and have fun!